I started the gay men's social group in Salem, Ore., in November 2003.  At the time, I was looking around for a way into the gay community in Salem, but all that was here was the one gay bar, which was and still is a chain smoker's paradise.  Going to a bar filled with smoke was out of the question for me because of health reasons.  

At the time, I was a member of the Adventure Group in Portland, an outdoor activity group for gays and lesbians.  But I was getting tired of driving to Portland to have social opportunities with other gay men.  So I decided to start a group in Salem.  

I began with organizing a potluck.  A dozen men showed up, most of them in their late 40s, 50s and 60s.  We knocked around ideas about what activities that we wanted to do.  City Walks were mentioned, as were hikes.  I liked movies, so I suggested a movie night.  We also talked about special events such as museum tours, coast weekends, etc.

Within two weeks, we established a schedule featuring several events.  Walks became a twice weekly event, potlucks were once a month and hikes were whenever someone had the time to lead them.

In the first three years, we tried a number of events.  Some were successful and some weren't.  We dropped those that drew little to no interest.  One of the more enjoyable was the Progressive Dinner at Christmas time.  Everyone seemed to enjoy spending an evening going from one member's house to another for that particular course of the meal.

And that's how the Fellowship Group, as the Triangle Community was called then, started.  I learned how to do HTML coding and a Web site.  Within a year, we had our own Web site and e-mail services.  

At the end of year three, we changed the name of the group because of the perception that the name Fellowship Group had a link to religion, a church, etc.  It never did.  We became the Triangle Community at the beginning of year four.  The change in the name didn't result in a burst of new members, however.

In year four, we also began to participate in community service projects in addition to being just a social group.  Our members served on the city's Human Rights Committee and a subcommittee that formed a Community Response Team to investigate incidents of hate crimes against the GLBT community.  Fortunately, such incidents are rare in Salem.  Some of our members also assisted Basic Rights Oregon in its effort to prevent foes from overturning the two gay rights laws passed into the law by the Legislature.  

Also in year four, the TC created a companion gay men's group in Salem, focusing on the 21 through 35 age demographic.  In Salem, men younger than 40 tend not to socialize with older men, mostly because there are still a lot of older men who prefer to date younger men.  That group is called Cherry City Guys.  Its Web site is www.cherrycityguys.org.  

This year, which is our fifth, we are trying to establish a Pride film festival in Salem, as well as a Salem AIDS Walk.  These two projects are proving to be fairly daunting.  The Pride Film Festival is on track to become a reality in the summer of 2009.  The AIDS fundraising walk may still become a reality in the fall of 2008, but if not then, then certainly in the fall of 2009. 

This year we expanded our membership to outside of Oregon.  We have one member in Tacoma that comes down regularly for events.  We have another in Vancouver, Wash., and a few weeks ago we signed up our first foreign member, an Israeli native who lives and works in Oslo, Norway.  We may never see him, but he wanted to be on our e-mail roster.  Perhaps he's studying the e-mails that we send out each week, as well as our Web site, to learn how a group functions so he can start one there.

Here's some tips once a men's group is started.

Membership fees or no fees.  The TC has maintained running the group without membership fees.  We are planning to introduce membership fees next year.  Fees for us would go toward maintaining the Web site, cost of going to Salem Pride and a few other yearly expenses.

A Web site is key.  The TC does theirs on Apple computers using Apple's iWeb program.  It's incredibly simple to learn and to use.  I created and maintain the Web site.  Our host site is GoDaddy.com.  They offer inexpensive hosting plans that come with free e-mail services.  Regarding events: Take lots of photos of events and post them on the Web site.  

We make use of several online sites to save space on our Web site.  

We use Picasa's online photo gallery to post most of our event photos.  That way, we only have to put up one or two photos on the TC site, thus saving valuable Web space.  Here's the address of the TC's Picassa site:  http://picasaweb.google.com/trianglecommunity.

We also use Google.com's online calendar.  We embed the calendar onto our site, as well as a link to the main calendar on google.com.  Here is the link to the TC calendar on Google:  http://www.google.com/calendar/render?tab=qc.

I highly recommend these sites because they are free.

Leadership is another key.  As founder of the TC, I run the group, maintain the Web site and keep the group running.  I have a leadership committee that I consult on a regular basis, bouncing ideas for events off them, and listening to their ideas for events as well.  The leadership committee also deals with personality disputes among members, policy decisions regarding the direction of the group, etc.  This method has worked well for the TC, but it's important to have more than one person in the group who is Web site savvy.

Such a group also could be run by a committee -- one person to coordinate potlucks, another to handle walks, another hikes, another special events, etc.  And one person to handle the Web site (unless you job shop it out to a firm).  But key to a smooth-running group is one person who takes all of the planning and coordinates it.  This person must be someone with a high commitment to doing something for the community because it can wear you down.

In the beginning, it's important not to judge the group's success by how many turn out an event.  It's more important to focus on whether the men who do turn out for an event enjoy themselves.

A key ingredient to any group's success is how committed its members are to the group and to participating.  The TC presently has in excess of 40 members, but only 14 to 18 participate on a regular basis.  The majority of our members are 55 years of age or older.  Some members only come out for events with food and drink.  Some for walks and hikes and some for our weekly card game.  Half of our members have demanding jobs and/or social lives and can't spare the time to attend events, but they still like being a member.  Among this group, we might see a member once a year.

Volunteerism:  The TC has worked well because, among our most active members, most are willing to host events (potlucks, movie events, card games, etc.).

Events will change:  People get tired of doing the same thing all of the time.  Remember to mix the schedule up.  We have a monthly Sunday afternoon movie at a member's home, but we take a break from it for the summer because it's a busy time for our members.  Attendance tends to fall off during summer months for many of our events. 

This year we went to quarterly potlucks because attendance at monthly potlucks fell off substantially last year.  Members will start to take the event for granted and skip them.  Going to quarterly potlucks was a good move for us.  Attendance at them is healthy again.

One event that we do is a Sunday Brunch, but we only have it on months where there are five Sundays.  We call it the Fifth Sunday Brunch.  We also have a Fifth Friday Card Game, where we switch from the usual pinochle game to something else.

How to start a gay men’s
social group in your town or city
This page of the Triangle Community Web site is for visitors from outside Oregon, who have found their way to the site from our link on DaddyHunt.com or from gay.com, or from the other sites that the TC founder has profiles on.  The TC has established itself as a leader in gay men’s social groups for men wanting an alternative to the bar and club scenes.  Starting a gay men’s social group in your city or town isn’t as hard as you might think.  Below is how I did it in Salem, Ore.

Michael “Spike” Lewis
Founder, The Triangle Community

Simple beginnings

Events
are trial and error

Emphasize what your members do in the community

Do some

good for your community

Keep your
options open
on membership

Web site
is key to
success

Make use
of free online services

Commitment is essential in group’s leader
and members

One approach when going to a Pride festival